got more than just presents this weekend
I got a glimpse into where things are going
I no longer will have that family I grew up with ...
it wont ever be that again... not in a bad way I guess
I don't want to go back to living at home necessarily
but I am not a part of that 4 some that we were
now I come over christmas morning after christmas
with Loren first, stockings and everything
it's kind of sad, realizing that you're losing that
something you can't have back - but it's for the best
now I move forward, into a new kind of family
and no matter what happens in a new one, I will
always always have my first one, and yet it will
be different.

I've been thinking about what I am supposed to do now
I keep feeling like I've done what I was supposed to, and
so what am I supposed to do know? just work till I die?
made me think about the whole first time of your life
you are in line next to everyone your age. everyone has
the same common goals - everyone is doing the same
kinds of things to get to the same place, and now all
of a sudden we're in a thousand different places, and
going in a thousand different ways. so I feel like I am now
supposed to wait for everyone to catch up so I know what
I am supposed to do next.

however, that isn't going to work. so instead I'll take this
time to decide what I want to do with forever, or at least
tomorrow. all of a sudden I am on my own and deciding
having to go where no person has gone before

we leave for our cruise to Mexico next saturday
I am pretty excited. I'm not always thrilled about putting
on a swim suit for the world to see. and I'm not a big fan
of hot weather- but the taking pictures is what I am excited
about, and somehow I know that traveling with Loren, will
make it all wonderful. he never quits amazing me. I love him
more than I ever thought possible to love someone

And I hope there are no pirates...